I Will Remember Your Miracles
I’m sitting here in the ICU beside my husband for the third time in two years. I’m choosing to read him Scripture aloud instead of despairing. Let me share what God showed me, won’t you?
Intially, I Despaired
It’s not cancer causing the sickness this time. I’m trying to remind myself of that. But when your husband goes into a surgery and leaves to the ICU instead of his regular hospital room, all notions of bravery and rationality disappear.
You’d better believe I despaired. I held it together while the surgeon told me that Mike’s blood pressure dropped dangerously low due to major fluid volume loss. And then I found a place alone to cry, to get angry, and honestly, to yell at God for a moment. And anyone who thinks this is improper or dishonoring to God…hasn’t read the Psalms. But more about that in a moment.
Entertaining Angels Unaware
While I was despairing, Mike’s ICU nurse and the whole team were getting him stabilized. When I was finally able to see him, I encountered an angel sent from heaven in the form of a critical care nurse.
His nurse was a believer and immediately shared spiritual hope with me. I thanked her with shimmering eyes and told her that the Lord had placed her there at just the right time. Then, she went on to preach a thorough sermon to me while she worked diligently over my beloved.
Here’s the coolest part of it all—she was a travel nurse and last night was her last day on this assignment before she moved on to another assignment elsewhere. She told me the other staff was apologizing for giving her a difficult case on her last night and she had just told them before she met me that she didn’t mind at all because God had a reason for her getting this patient.
Friends, I was that reason.
What’s more? I immediately texted a dear friend about it and she told me “This is a direct answer to prayer I asked God to give you someone there who would love on you and speak truth and love to you.”
Reading Scripture to my Beloved
Today has been better. Mike is trending positively. But he’s still in a bed in the ICU and that’s scary as hell.
So, what do I do when I’m afraid? I read the Bible. Specifically the Psalms. This time I did what I never recommend anyone do…the lucky dip (open Bible and read at random). But sometimes it’s just what you need because God is smarter than your lucky dip 🤭
I need to show you what God led me to as I read these passages aloud to Mike. Look at the pictures below. I quickly grabbed my old thinline Bible to bring to the hospital when I packed the bag last week because it was lighter and easy to carry. This is the same Bible I was using back in 2024 when Mike was going through his initial cancer treatments. Look at my notes.
The first photo (that says “Mike Cancer 2024) is from Psalm 74 and the second one is Psalm 77.
I know I read the section from Psalm 77 to Mike at least 5 times! I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
God has done miracles for Mike before and I’m choosing to believe God will do it again. Not because I’m naïve. Because God is still the same powerful God who parted the Red Sea. I’m also choosing to believe because what other recourse do I have? Despair? That wasn’t effective. 0/10 do not recommend.
God was faithful to Israel in the Old Testament. God is faithful to the True and Better Israel (Christ) in the New Testament. And God is still faithful today. I’m going to keep believing that in the dark places because it shines light into the deep, dark recesses of my soul.
